For your caregivers

Spouse/Lover/significant other

Children

Sister/brother

Friend

Neighbor

Stranger

What happens when someone you love and care about gets diagnosed with Cancer?  It truly is life changing for everyone around you. Some relationships become stronger others wither and die. The body recognizes danger and prepares us for either running away or fighting through a number of physiological and psychological changes – for example increased focus, reflexes and heart and lung activity. We all have a built in defense mechanism when faced with what our body/mind interprets as danger to ourselves.  For instance when an Armadillo reacts to danger it curls in a ball and uses the armor like plating on his body to protect him against an attack, while a Porcupine fires off his quills to the enemy. Bottom line it is, Stress and you have been given a heavy dose of it.
When our body experiences a shock it quickly releases hormones to help survive. These hormones help us run faster and fight harder. They increase heart rate, blood pressure, delivering more oxygen and blood sugar to power important muscles. They increase sweating in an effort to cool theses muscles helping them stay efficient. They divert blood away from the skin to the core of the body. 
I remember when I was about seventeen I was backing out of our driveway and backed into my father’s Buick Regal, (his pride and joy) my little Tempest Pontiac had locked my right rear bumper with my dad’s Regal left front bumper. I could have made a large button hole in my seat as my butt cheeks clenched with fear. I jumped out of the car, quickly assessed the situation then lifted my car off of my dad’s car, jumped back in my car and pulled forward. As I put my car in park I got out and checked the damages, just a few scratches no major dents. I began to cry, I went in the house and confessed my crime to my father.  After he calmed me down and could understand my blubbering, he went out to inspect the damages, he couldn’t believe that I lifted my own car, I tried to show him how I did it, but I was so weak by then I couldn’t pick up a pebble let alone a car.
I had experienced this Stress mechanism in the fight mode which quickly turned to flight with burnout and exhaustion.
This happens all the time in a care giving situation we start out strong and capable. As the time goes on our energies become depleted and we get tired and irritable, then we feel guilty for having resentment not at the person we love but at the situation.
We experience Burn out .
You are not alone and your feelings are natural. Thank God that we have resources available to us through many agencies that recognize the effects that Cancer has on you the caregiver. Here are just a few I would like to share with you:
American Cancer Society:   www.cancer.org
The Wellness Community:  www.thewellnesscommunity.org
Provides free psychological and emotional support to people with cancer and their families.
Cleaning for a Reason. http://Cleaningforareason.org
A Non Profit organization that has members nationwide that provide cleaning services to cancer patients.
I also encourage you to accept any help you can from friends, neighbors and family members. Most people that offer you the heartfelt sympathy really do want to do something to help, it makes them feel good about themselves and lightens the load. Make a list for yourself and what your duties are as a caregiver. Then you can delegate. Allowing others to help makes you able to be the best caregiver you can. Take time out for yourself as a former patient I didn’t need someone standing over me while I slept. Go for a walk exercise, get out of the house take deep breathes cry, scream if you have to making sure of course that you cannot be heard by others that might think your under attack or in danger. Keep up with your friends and family you cannot fill up someone else’s cup if yours is empty you need to refuel.
Hang in there it really is worth it in the long run,
Always your Breast Friend
Janie Kay xox
P.S I welcome any comment and tips that you can share with us all on what helped you during your trials..